"what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do"

I am currently reading the book “Blue Like Jazz”. I haven’t finished yet, but be sure that once I do, a lengthy post will follow. All I will say for now is that it is basically a lot of what I have been feeling for a while now, put into words. It is real and honest. I believe in God, deeply, and I know that I know Jesus, but I think that somewhere along the way I started turning God into something that He’s not. My spirituality is in so many ways, very fake. And, very selfish. In light of the truths God is teaching me through the book, I am learning that I need to start being more honest, and stop hiding behind religion and dogma.

So, here is something honest.

I have never bought cigarettes for my mom. She smokes. I have always looked at it as this awful and godless thing, so even though she has asked me, and I’ve been legally able for a while now, I have never bought them for her. I told myself that if I were to purchase them that it would somehow be encouraging her sin, or worse, that the sin would somehow rub off on me. I was convinced that doing it would somehow be “unchristian”.

That’s not true though. Really, it just made me feel more godly to not do it because it made me feel better than her since I didn’t do it. It was another sin I could cross off my list, something I could pat myself on the back for not doing. And, to tell you the truth, I care a lot about what other people think. If I bought cigarettes, what would the cashier think of me, or the person behind me in line?

My dad always goes to buy them. Anytime she asks, day or night, he goes. And, he does it with a smile. He is one of the godliest men I have ever known. He has a true servant’s heart. He doesn’t like smoking either, but when she asks, he does it.

Honestly, this doesn’t make either my dad or I any holier than the other. But, it gets me thinking. Am I really showing my mom Christ’s love by being pious and legalistic?

Am I showing anybody Christ's love by being pious and legalistic?

“The truth is we are supposed to love the hippies, the liberals and even the Democrats, and that God wants us to think of them as more important than ourselves. Anything short of this is not true to the teachings of Jesus.” -Donald Miller, “Blue Like Jazz”